30 Things We've Learned in 30 Days of Marriage
Welp. It’s already been a month since we walked down that aisle and said “I do.” While it’s crazy to think that a few weeks have already gone by, it also feels like Tyler and I have been married for forever. I have loved getting to be his wife… I think he’s loved being my husband too ;) We thought it would be fun to document what all we’ve learned in these last 30 days of married life.
So without further ado, here you are:
Have a physical calendar hung up for both of you to see! Tyler and I have different schedules, so it’s been huge for us to be on the same page for when things are happening on the weekends.
It can be easy to be a little lazy. Tyler and I started watching Friends (yes we are just now starting it), and oh how easy it is to look at each other, smile, and say, “One more?” It’s important to take time to just relax!!
Expressing gratitude for the small things makes a big difference. Yes, there may be some things one of us doesn’t do, but focusing on the things that they do get done and expressing gratitude goes a long ways.
Doubt easily surfaces. Am I a good wife? Is the house clean enough? Is my cooking okay? It’s easy to be worried and have doubt flood your mind. The important thing to remember is that you married each for better or for worse. You will never be perfect!
Date nights are important!! Have them. Plan them. Make the most of them. Cherish them.
Your dreams won’t always align. You are two different people with different talents and abilities God has given you. Don’t get angry when one of you has a particular dream the other can’t seem to see right away.
Know your love languages!! Tyler’s love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, and I am acts of service! Understanding this about each other has made quite a difference.
Set priorities. Need to get the dishes done? Need to write those wedding thank yous (yes, we’re still working on ours)? Set one or two top priorities each day to make sure you’re actually getting stuff done and having fun.
Figure out the finances! Find what works best for the two of you, set a budget, know what you have and what you don’t, and communicate!!
Speaking of that word, understand that communication is key. Tyler is not a mind-reader, and neither am I. Instead of hoping your partner will do X, Y, Z, spell it out for them! Ask them nicely. And if they don’t get it all done, thank them for what they did do. They’ll be much more likely to finish the rest when they know how much it means to you.
Pick your complaints. I could come home and complain to Tyler each day about my job. Or I can ask him about his and spare some of my details. Negativity can be infectious, so be careful about what you say.
Be honest with yourselves. Tyler and I had a legit squabble over who is funnier the other day. I obviously said me, and he said he is. Sometimes you have to lay down your pride and let the other be right… even if they aren’t ;) hehehe
Keep Christ first! Know that your foundation lies in Him. Find a community of like-minded individuals who can cheer you on and help make this foundation strong.
Ask the darn question. If something is going on in your head or you’re wrestling with something, ASK your partner!! Don’t play out scenarios or let doubt weigh you down. If you’ve got something on your mind, SPEAK!
Nit-picking is useless. There’s no reason to cause a ruckus about the one dish that didn’t get done or the laundry waiting to be put in the washer. Don’t make each other feel bad because of the little stuff.
Goal-setting together is powerful. Where do you want to be in a year? 5 years? 10 years? Don’t be afraid to put the thoughts you two want down on paper!
Listening is important. When your partner is telling you something that matters to them, make eye contact, put the other stuff on pause, make them feel valued. Respected. Heard.
Forgive and forget. Don’t dig up the past. Let it say there. You both will make mistakes. You both will say things you don’t mean. Forgive. Let things be. Move on.
Changing your name is a little tricky. Seriously. New social security card. New driver’s license. Do some research, and get it done!
Be flexible. Schedules will change. Things will come up. Be willing to make changes. Be willing to change the schedule.
List out your house roles. Tyler and I did this in marriage counseling, so having this idea of what we both were going to kind of “own” has been super helpful.
Leave notes for each other. I love coming home and seeing a little message on the whiteboard. Show each other love in the small ways.
Settle on how you do laundry. His mom did it one way. My mom did it another. Talk about what you want for your household, and respect each other’s wishes.
Reflect on things the two of you are grateful for. It’s easy to get stressed out when you think about being an adult and paying bills and maintaining a home and all the things. But take a step back and take the time to think about the blessings the two of you have in your lives right now.
Put systems in place. Have a place for mail. Have a place for your keys. Have a spot for the remote. This eliminates the blame game and holds you both accountable for your household processes.
Don’t stop making each other laugh. Just because you’re adults doesn’t mean you can’t be goofy. Don’t lose your sense of humor!
Pray together. Tyler and I pray together before meals and really try to pray before bed. This keeps us focused on what matters, and helps us see the bigger picture.
Get active together! Go for a walk. Go on a bike ride. Get out and about together.
Insecurities will come out. You’re surrounded by someone a lot more than normal - there’s bound to be some insecurities that come out. Support each other and love on each other’s insecurities and imperfections. That brings confidence to the relationship.
Marriage is the best thing ever. A sleepover with your best friend every night is pretty amazing. Choose to make the most of it, and choose love over anything else.
Tyler and I know we’ve still got a lot to learn and a long ways to go, but marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts from God. We have loved learning these things, finding new ways to love each other, and growing as one. We can’t wait for all the years to come! Make the most of your relationships today and every day.